There are many well written, perfectly logical guides out there promising that you’ll save 5%, 10% or even 20% in gas mileage. But even with all those tips combined, it just isn’t making much of a difference. Read on for the REAL gas saving tips that the Professionals aren’t telling you!

Use Those Old Tires:
You know those old tires with the smoothed out treads that people throw away? Next time, keep them! The older the better in fact. Think of all those formula one racing cars with those smoothed out tires, they are designed to not grip the road and actually save on a lot of gas. After all, the less often they have to refill in the Pit, the greater chances they have for winning right? Now you know the secret behind those million dollar machines!

How to Get Free Bonus Gas at Every Gas Station:
You know the drill. Unscrew gas cap, fill er’ up, put the nozzle back, pay the ransom. Did you know you just paid extra for the next person in line? It’s true! Next time you get gas, look up at the long tube that connects the nozzle to the top of the gas dispenser, that’s actually a lot of gas in there. All you have to do is lift up the dipped part of the tube so that the gas in the tube slides into your tank. You just got yourself a lot of free bonus gas!

Aerodynamic Tailgating:
I’m sure you’ve all seen at some point in time, a driver who weaves around and tailgates other cars or even you. Pretty annoying right? They are actually demonstrating a new type of highly advanced driving physics technique called Aerodynamic Tailgating. But don’t worry, the technique has been thoroughly tested on many Japanese Professional Race tracks. Guaranteed to save you gas and give you a nice speed boost too.

Free Taxi:
For those of you lucky enough to have CAA or AAA memberships, don’t forget about the annual allocations of free tows. If you ain’t using those perks, you’re actually losing money to the membership. Sure, your car may not actually be broken, but think of how much gas you can save from just one towing! And you can even use the extra time in traffic to finally respond to all those backlogged blackberry emails with 2 thumbs going at the same time!

Green Light Every Time:
Remember these little gadgets that turn traffic lights green? Now is the perfect time to use these to save on gas! Every time you stop your car and accelerate from a dead stop, it actually drains heavily on your gas to get the momentum going again. But if you use it in countries where it has been banned, it could also get you a green light right into jail!

Hidden Car Function You May Not Know About:
For those of you lucky enough to have a foldable side mirror on your car, you may not have realized the true intention of its design. One may initially think that it is for parking in tight spots or to protect itself from crazy people who loves to smash side mirrors. But in fact, it is designed to be folded in when you’re planning to achieve high velocity. Once folded in, it creates a super aerodynamic air bubble that will allow you to achieve the highest gas efficiency possible.

Note: Following the above comedic advice can be potentially hazardous to your health and is certainly not recommended, especially if you drive near where I drive.

Know of another stupid way to save gas? Please share them here!